I'm positive that my big toe nail is going to fall off. Both of them. Left and right. Every step is punctuated by a sharp pain and if I press down on the nails it's as if a bolt of lightening is running through my body. Several times during the day, I find myself checking the nail, hoping to find some visible evidence of the pain, bruising or the nail lifting. Nada. I've become obsessive with checking. It all started last week, when I bought two pairs of close toed heels to wear while working at my new retail job. I loathe shoe shopping. I have size 8 1/2 , extra wide feet that have an abnormally high arch. Nothing ever fits quite right. I am the opposite of any woman that I know. I dread buying shoes and love buying bathing suits. Bathing suits nearly always fit right and most even look good! I don't get blisters and bloody wounds from swim wear.

So last week, I bought two seemingly great shoes for work at Macy's. I tried them on late in the day, like you're supposed to and they seemed really comfy. Lesson learned the hard way = you can never tell by trying them on the in store.

I wore the flatter of the pair to work on Thursday and within and hour, I was hobbling around. By noon, I looked like I was auditioning for The Walking Dead. By two, I nailed the audition and got a call back! It hurt like hell. I strategically positioned Band-aids ( including Band-aids on top of Band-Aids) to try to minimize the damage, but there was nothing that could be done about my poor compressed toes.

I got to my car and threw off my shoes. Threw them! My big and baby toes both swelled to double their size and had multiple blisters. I soaked them in cool water, which stung and then soothed. The next day, I said screw the heels and wore my favorite calf high leather boots to work. I was still hobbling, but at least I could walk and run. There is lots of running involved in this job. Side note- I love playing Jenga, but not enough to ever work in the women's shoe department!

So, it is nearly a week later and most of the wounds have begun to heal, except of the pain in my big toes. I seriously think the nails were so damaged that they want to fall off, but somehow have a bit of fighting spirit left in them.

Off to slide into a comfy pair of flip flops and cancel that pedicure that I so desperately need. Nobody is touching these toes!!!