Thank you to Libro FM for an audio arc of Heather Gay’s memoir, Bad Mormon.

Prior to starting this book, I had heard of the Real Housewives franchise ( I don’t live under a rock), but I had not watched any episodes and I did not know about Heather Gay or that she is a cast member on the Salt Lake City series. I chose the book due to its shocking title.

I am not Mormon, but my paternal grandparents were, and I spent school holidays attending services and events at their church. I made friends from their ward and although they are not close friends, I am still in touch via social media and would want to see them if we were traveling to their parts of the country. I have many fond childhood memories of my time with them. This said, I also have a fraught relationship with the Church of the Latter Day Saints and some of its teachings, specifically its interference during some family trauma. I’m not going into detail here, but suffice it to say, as an outsider, I’m curious about some of the more mysterious aspects of the religion.

Gay does not hold back. Raised in the church and faithful for much of her life, she is no longer a practicing Mormon and in Bad Mormon, she shares details about temple life and ceremonies that are otherwise not shared with those outside of the faith. She explains the underwear! I’m sure she faced backlash, as this information is sacred to many, but I was fascinated. It actually served to better help me understand my grandparents and some of the ways they treated me as their only grandchild. Specifically, Gay speaks to the need to always be perfect and good, this was a huge part of how I was raised, mostly with how my grandparents expected me to act. It was extreme and as a child, I had a hard time understanding it, especially in balance with the rest of my family, who are not Mormon.

This idea of what it means to be good is at the center of Bad Mormon. Gay had always pushed back against the way she was raised, but in small ways, ways that most people would not really consider to be “bad”, but ways that were against her upbringing, such as her inappropriate humor or being a bit loud. As an adult, she tried to hold together a dysfunctional marriage and tried to be good in the ways of her faith, but the dam finally broke. On the show, Gay was herself, not feeling that it was bad to dress a little more revealing and have a cocktail. When she was cast on Real Housewives, Gay decided to let her personality shine. Her charisma makes her a popular cast member and outside of the show, she is a successful business woman and single mom.

I still haven’t watched an episode of the Real Housewives, but I enjoyed meeting Gay through her memoir. Her writing style is punchy and funny; she is someone that I’d like to meet at a party. She’s refreshing. I also appreciated the religious insight that brought clarity to my own family dynamics.