The Art of the Brick

A few weeks ago, I was walking in the Americana in Glendale and I came across a huge poster advertising artist Nathan Sawaya's new exhibit, The Art of The Brick. The slick advertising and placement at the Americana initially led me to believe that this was an exhibit at LACMA, MOCA or some trendy gallery. Nope, Sawaya's sculptures made from Lego bricks are on display at Forest Lawn Cemetery.

Anyone who reads my blog knows that I have disdain for Forest Lawn Glendale. However, having recently spent a fantastic day at Legoland Windsor, I wanted to see more Lego sculptures. I was keen to check out this exhibit.

I'm glad it was free and glad it was local.

We spent more time driving to Forest Lawn ( and we living within walking distance) than we did exploring the exhibit.

It's very, very small.

I have mixed feelings about it. Sawaya is undeniably talented, but nothing in his exhibit was anywhere near as spectacular as what we saw in Legoland. In fact, he had a smaller version of Mount Rushmore that was exactly the same as the one that we saw at Legoland Windsor. It was the first thing that we encountered in the exhibit and it set the tone for an underwhelming experience.

Sawaya's art is very different than the pieces at Legoland. It's much darker and most of the pieces had to do with the human form. Several pieces had missing limbs, spilling guts or flayed skin. It reminded me of Gunther Von Hagen's Body Worlds Exhibit. This isn't an exhibit aimed at kids. A majority of it is creepy and unsettling.

I feel like this exhibit would have been better as part of a group exhibition. It didn't stand on its own. I think Sawaya's contribution would have been more meaningful in context with other artist doing similar things. Maybe an exhibit of favorite childhood toys re-imagined. I'm sure that there are artists out there doing cool things with Lincoln Logs and Light-Brites.

When I go to an art exhibit, the general vibe of the space does a lot to affect how I feel about the art. Several years ago, I went to MOCA's Art in the Streets exhibition and I feel like a similar type of large scale exhibition could be done with toys. Sawaya's sculptures would be much more suited to that type of venue, rather than the very subdued and somber Forest Lawn Museum. This was a very small exhibit in an awkward venue. Nothing about it felt right.

if you live very close to Forest Lawn Glendale, go check it out. Otherwise, I highly recommend spending your time elsewhere.

The Business of Death

Many years ago, before I had to help plan two funerals, I had a series of funny postcards framed and hung on my bathroom wall. They were great conversation starters when guests would come over for dinner. One of the postcards is pictured above and I got it out of a book called, The Revenge of the Son of the World's Tackiest Postcards. I think it's appropriate for this post because two major family deaths in the last five years has giving me the opinion that funerals and funeral directors are often lacking tact.

The fact that funerals are big business is never well concealed from family members planning a service. It's sort of like going to buy a new car when you're broke and desperate for transportation.

You get the hard sell on seemingly endless upgrades.

The worst part is the false sense of sympathy. I'm sure that there are genuine people in the business, but I've not met one of them.

My mom had a pre-need set up for her burial at Forest Lawn Glendale. It was set and the only thing that I was talked into upgrading was the urn. I don't know why I bothered when she was going to be interred with it, but the salesman talked me into it. I didn't get talked into upgrading anything else, including paying to witness the cremation or paying to watch her niche opened.

When trying to pitch these upgrades, the salesman attempted the sway me with "Don't you want to make sure that your mother is the one being put into the wall?". I told him that I was confident they would do their job without needing my supervision. Then he tried another tactic, asking me if i would feel closure if I skipped having a service at Forest Lawn.

Slimy.

I wish that my mom had been there, so that I could have asked her if we could move her somewhere nicer. I really didn't like the staff at Forest Lawn and although the grounds are always clean, the place just feels fake and creepy. It's weird that they have music piped in and a museum with a gift shop.

Several times many years ago, Forest Lawn reps approached me in the parking lot of Costco ( located very close to Forest Lawn) trying to give a pre-need sales pitch. I'm all for pre-needs and planning ahead, but I don't appreciate getting blindsided by an unsolicited aggressive sales pitch while loading groceries.

A few months ago, I helped my aunt plan my uncle's memorial service. He also had a pre-need, but through the Trident society. I wasn't at their house when the sales rep from Trident came over, but I did communicate with a rep several times after my uncle's death and I drove down with my aunt to Trident's San Diego office to pick up my uncle's remains.

Trident provides a basic service and didn't try to up-sell us. However, there was a lot of miscommunication and awkward moments when we picked up my uncle. When they filled out their pre-needs, Trident provided my aunt and uncle each with a box containing a basic urn and a cheesy special memories keepsake book. My aunt didn't care for the book and dumped it. When the reps from the coroners department picked up my uncle's body, they took the urn. It turns out that we were supposed to have kept the urn and brought it with us when picking up my uncle at the Trident office.

We got the low down on how pour the remains into a new urn ourselves, before the guy just went into the back and claimed that he found the original one in the back and poured my uncle in for us. He brought out the urn neatly concealed in a box and placed into a convenient Trident tote-bag.

I did appreciate that Trident wasn't located at or affiliated with a cemetery. They were located in a scummy mini mall and mercifully lacked a urn showroom. It felt down to earth.

Trident made all of the arrangements to have my uncle, a Navy veteran, buried at Riverside National Cemetery. Riverside National did a great job and was very efficient. Military volunteers gave him a proper burial that was simple and respectful.

The other side of funeral planning is the actual service. With my mom and uncle, we opted for a more upbeat luncheon, rather than a formal service. Either way you go, it seems like memorial planning is the dark sister to wedding planning.

There are hall fees, catering, table arrangements, slide shows, toasts...

Prior to deciding to go festive at Don Jose's in Tustin, we checked out Saddleback Chapel. Aside from the overwhelming stench of potpourri in the lobby, there is nothing wrong with the actual location. It's pretty and has tons of flowers. The girl that was helping us was nice, but we realized that it wasn't what we invisioned.

As we were leaving, we were intercepted by an older male rep, who tried to close us on the deal. He stepped in when the nice girl helping us didn't close us. He pried for information on the deceased and made my aunt start to cry. He was very aggressive in trying to get us to choose Saddleback and that ultimately pushed us further away from picking the location. It was awful.

We went to a local Italian restaurant where the owner tried to sway us to hold the luncheon at her place by pretending to have known my uncle. She acted like a psychic making broad statements about my uncle that could have applied to any older man. Phony.

I am very well aware that death is a big cash cow. However, it seems like decency should dictate that loved ones planning a funeral should never be made aware of that side of the business. Yes, large sums of money are going to be exchanged, but there needs to be real sensitivity.

I recently applied for a job via Monster and I guess since I went on the site my information got out there and I have been inundated with job offers for jobs that I do not want. One of them is a cemetery that has contacted me repeatedly to show up for a group interview to be a sales person. They hire people to sell, rather than to provide a service.

This is the problem with the industry and unfortunately, they have no incentive to change. They have the greatest benefit in being as aggressive and emotionally manipulative as possible to get a grieving family to spend the maximum amount of money. It's a one time big purchase and they need to milk it.

In Defense of Valentine's Day

I have a confession, Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. However, spending time on social media has made me realize that Valentine's Day is a very polarizing holiday. People either embrace it or actively show disdain. It doesn't matter if the person is single or in a relationship either. I gave it some thought and here are my ideas on the whole Valentine's Day drama.

Remember back when we were kids and Valentine's Day was simple?

Back when boys were from Jupiter and Girls from Mars. In elementary school, you brought in a little card for every kid in your class, even the unpopular kid or the class bully. I know that naysayers will say that "Life isn't Fair" and that kids shouldn't be forced to give a card to kids that they don't like. My take is, it's a nice gesture. It's a small gesture, a simple one. It brings togetherness and a smile. Most elementary school kids have not developed a reason to hate Valentine's Day.

Then you get a little older and things shift. Valentine's Day becomes a popularity contest. You are no longer required to give a Valentine to your whole class. Some kids walk away loaded with cards/flowers/gifts, some kids have nothing. In junior high, some kids have formed romantic relationships and some have not, everyone knows who. The holiday takes a shift from a small token of friendship to all, to a more exclusive club.

For some, the holiday shifts again as you grow into adulthood. The focus is on it being a romantic holiday, one exclusive for couples. One, where love is shown through gifts, reservations at a steakhouse and cards.

I think the difference between people who celebrate Valentine's Day as an adult and those who shun it, is perspective.

I've always thought of Valentine's Day as the companion holiday to Thanksgiving. Only Valentine's Day wins, because gorging on chocolate trumps turkey. Both holidays are about taking a pause and being grateful for what you have in your life.

I dismiss the notion that Valentine's Day is exclusively a romantic holiday. Love is not exclusively the domain of romantic partnerships. There are many types of relationships in my life and people that I love, I honor them all.

I think that "Singles Awareness Day" is the dumbest thing ever and insulting. I've never felt less love on Valentine's Days in which I was single and I certainly never felt bothered by not being in a relationship.

My best Valentine's Day was in 2008. My mom had just died and my marriage was completely devastated and irreparable. My mom's ashes were to be interred at Forest Lawn and instead of having a big ceremony or watching them do it, I decided to have Valentine's Day be my first day back at work after bereavement leave.

When I got to work, I found a huge bouquet of flowers from my office family, welcoming me back. This was after receiving multiple flowers, cards, calls from so many very supportive coworkers, who were all so wonderful to me during such a difficult time. It happened to coincide with Valentine's Day and that was perfect, because I felt an overwhelming amount of friendship and love. This is what the holiday is all about to me, a reminder of love from anyone in your life.

The whole it's a "Hallmark Holiday" is completely dumb too. I spent over a year working at a Hallmark store, working every possible season and I can tell you that EVERY HOLIDAY is a Hallmark Holiday. It doesn't matter if it's a holiday you love, one you hate, or one that you've never heard of, there is a card for it. Trust me. People only seem to worry about the commercialism of a holiday, when it's one that they dislike. I rarely hear anyone complaining about the commercialism of Halloween, which is about as bad as it gets.

And while I am on this rant, why does Hallmark get slammed? They primarily sell cards and cheap knick-knacks. They are hardly a super-power of evil. Do the people who complain about Hallmark recieve a card in the mail and then lambast the giver as being hoodwinked by the cooperation into giving the card in the first place? Yes, they make their money by selling cards, but is the buying and giving of cards really such a product of consumerism? Can't it just be a nice gesture, whether you buy it from a store or make it yourself?

The biggest complaint seems to be that people don't understand why there needs to be a day to "Prove Their Love". Um, there isn't.

Speaking about romantic relationships, if yours is solid and you treat your partner with love, respect and care every day, then stuff like presents and grand gestures are icing on the cake. Valentine's Day is not a day to make up for what is lacking day-to-day. No present can repair love. In fact, presents are only meaningful, when the love is already there and then, the size of the present is meaningless.

You don't need to buy flowers, jewelry or chocolate on Valentine's Day. And you don't need to wait for a holiday, to go out and buy those things. You should do it, if and when the mood strikes. You don't need to feel pressure from television commercials. If someone you love makes you feel pressured to buy them a present, well, maybe that points to something else lacking.

Presents are icing, not mandatory.

Last year, Dan was out of town for work, so I spent Valentine's Day with my family. Dan sent presents to the house, many very thoughtful and traditional gestures, including two dozen chocolate covered strawberries which we all enjoyed. It was a wonderful Valentine's Day, because I was surrounded with love.

This year, will be even better, because Dan will be home. We made a pact to not exchange any presents and we are going to have fondue and champagne at home. This may seem like a special dinner for Valentine's Day, but fondue is a favorite meal and we guzzle champagne like it's water. It goes great with grilled cheese or pizza.

It really won't matter what we do, because we be together, like we are most Thursday nights, curled up on the couch and watching last night's episode of Modern Family.

I am marking my favorite holiday with a reflection on how grateful I am for so much love in my life. Love from friends, family and Dan. Some of you may even be reading this blog post and I just want you to know, that I am grateful that you are in my life, today and every day. Happy Valentine's Day!