The Waiting Game

Yesterday, during some frank relationship talk with friends, the question that seems to plague women and drive them crazy, was posed. This question seems to come up in every Meg Ryan movie and probably half of the Sex and the City episodes.

How do I know if he likes me? Perhaps more specific, if he does like me, how long will he wait to call for a second date? What's the time frame? 

The friend posing the question had just been on a first date and although it went well, she had doubts. 

I had never really put a lot of thought into the question. Sure, there have been times where I have worried over the same issue, especially when I was younger or a bit insecure post-divorce.

I feel like this whole idea of a specific time frame for calling is ridiculous. Not only that, it confuses both men and women. It turns relationships into a game, which is the one big thing people complain about when they are jaded from dating. No more games.

When I analyze my past relationships (because us girls like to break everything down), I realized that all of my significant relationships have one thing in common, the guy let me know right away. I've never had a date waiting period. I was called within twenty-four hours, usually less, to set up a second date. They didn't keep me waiting. They were clear and direct about their feelings, which is a very sexy trait. It showed initiative and self confidence. 

The only times that I have been asked on a second date after a waiting period are by guys that were straddeling the friend-zone or only looking for a physical relationship. I've learned that if they make you wait, that they are "Just not that into you". It's okay, the feelings were mutual. The only bad part is it left me feeling like the guy was a bit slimy or unreliable, for trying for a second date, instead of owning-up. 

I've had the quasi-date experience. This is where the guy is great and I've placed him squarely in the friend category, but they don't realize it. On the reverse, they think we are on a date and I'm too oblivious to realize that they are trying for something more. This is heartbreaking, because it has happened a few times and the guy is always someone that I genuinely like and care about as a friend. Every time this has happened the guy didn't take the early initiative to clarify their feelings and it ultimately ended in a hurt filled mess.

Bold moves early on are key.

If he's into you, he will let you know that you're worth keeping. He will lock in that second date so that you don't move on and get scooped up by someone else. If he doesn't take the initiative, you shouldn't waste time analyzing it.  

Men, if you are reading this, I am not letting women off the hook. Women should also make their feeling clear, instead of being coy or stringing a guy along. The second date doesn't always fall squarely into the guys court. Dan asked for a second date right away, but I took ownership of planning it and taking him out.

Relationships, including early dating are a partnership. I've learned that it's important to be forthright with your feelings and to show how you value the other person.  Clarity will  prevent both people from going crazy analyzing the details and potentially missing out on a great relationship.